Saturday, March 28, 2009

Ugliest Prom Dress Ever

I've never won anything. Sure, there was that time I won a cartoon drawing contest on a flight from Buffalo to Sarasota. The prize was a bottle of wine; I was seven. And then there was that time when I was 13 and I managed to be the thirty-seventh caller in to Y-100 to win the autographed Commodores album that they never sent me. I'm still bitter about that one. I once took 2nd place in my church's chili cook-off. So you see, I've never really won anything.

I used to think that I held the title for "Most Hideous Prom Dress in the History of Proms". See for yourself:

This tangerine creation was actually custom-made for me. I knew it was dreadful the moment I saw it, but I wore it anyway and crowned myself the queen of ugly prom dresses. I know what you are thinking. Where is my date's matching peach-colored cummerbund? Seriously people! Once he saw me in all my orange glory I was lucky he would even take me to the prom. Do you really think I could have gotten away with asking him to wear a matching cummerbund?

I continued to hold the title for the last 20 plus years, in my own mind anyway, until one fateful day in February. I sat down to fold some laundry, turned on the t.v. and came face to face with harsh reality. Turns out Ellen Degeneres had the ugliest prom dress all along. Check it out:

Wow, I know. Ellen's unfortunate choice obviously predates mine, so I never really held the title at all. You can imagine my disappointment. Like I said before, I've never really won anything. There's always next year's chili cook-off, I suppose.


  1. That's hilarious. You're right. She won. But second place isn't bad at all.

  2. That's hilarious! I actually kind of like your dress... minus the huge sleeves!

  3. I'm coulda been the guy with his face blurred out...but I'm not! Yay!

  4. I don't know what happened to my prom dress. (Which was made by my mother.) I think it's on the bottom of a landfill somewhere.